Amazingly, there aren’t a lot of commercial solutions to the problem, although I did find these websites:

• Tufnuts (Not quite sure I understand how these work or what they do)

• SignGrabber (Looks to be primarily used with chain link fencing. Not to be confused with this product which, I guess, is part of the problem).

And then, of course, there’s this family who brought the art of sign anti-theft strategies to a whole new level. You have to really like your political candidate to go to this extreme.

The bottom line is that if you’re trying to market real estate, eventually you’ll have some signs stolen, regardless of your creative abilities.

JLW

This sign will only work for you if your street signs are mounted on posts that have pre-drilled holes and notches in them, similar to Unistrut. Last year I made three of these and they did pretty well. They’re somewhere in my garage, gathering dust, until I need them again.

What you’ll need:

• 1 – 6″ x 18″ piece of thin steel plate (available at Lowe’s)

• 1 can of prime paint

• 2 cans of finish paint (colors of your choosing)

• 1 padlock with a long neck on the latching machanism

• A roll of masking tape

• A pair of metal snips

• A drill

• 1 metal drill bit (slightly larger than size of the padlock latch)

• Cardboard letter templates (available at most hardware stores)

Steps to create your sign:

• Step 1: Use the metal snips to round off any sharp corners on your metal plate.

• Step 2: Drill one or two holes in the plate where you will be attaching it to the signpost. Make sure the padlock latch fits through the holes in the sign (and the holes in the mounting posts) before proceeding.

• Step 3: Clean off your metal plate and prime it.

• Step 4: Paint your finish colors, letters, arrows, etc. on your sign. Use the masking tape to mask off areas between coats.

• Step 5: Attach your sign to the signpost(s) in your area using your padlocks.

Be sure to mount the sign so that someone passing by won’t hit their head on it. (Legal disclaimer: You will probably want to check with local authorities as to whether your sign is legal or not).

Remove your sign when done. The goal is to make your sign impossible to steal, not to make it a permanent addition to the neighborhood.

JLW

My addition to this strategy would be to get a couple of those giant corkscrews sold at pet supply stores and use them as anchors for my sign. Then padlock or bolt the sign legs to the handle at the top of the corkscrew. The idea would seem to be pretty much foolproof.

My only concern would be making sure that I didn’t hit any utility lines or sprinkler system piping while putting the corkscrew in the ground. And of course, if using a padlock, that I didn’t lose the keys!

JLW

Be sure that you have followed yesterday’s tip before you do this. You might want to even mention the vaseline to the person who owns the spot of grass you’re planning on putting your sign in.

The goal here is to try to change the behavior of the individual who is stealing your signs. Hopefully, if they get vaseline smeared all over their hands, then they they might think twice the next time they plan some mischief.

Of course, their changed behavior might turn out to be a revengeful seek and destroy mission on all of your signs.

Never having personally tried the vaseline trick, I can’t vouch for it’s success. However, my friend swears by it.

Just be sure to bring a pair of old, disposable work gloves with you for when it’s time to collect your signs at the end of the day. It would be a shame to get snared in your own trap.

JLW

If you’re a real estate agent, just think of it as another marketing opportunity (you do look like the picture on your signs, don’t you?). If you’re a homeowner, it’s another opportunity to chat with the neighbors, talk about the weather, discuss your favorite sports team, catch up on the latest gossip, etc.

You may run into someone who will tell you to buzz off. At least you won’t get your sign confiscated. Just walk across the street and ask someone else.

If you walk around long enough with a sign in your arms, eventually someone will take pity on you, and give permission.

If you have a couple of cute kids, take them with you. If necessary, offer to pay them a dollar or two to get them to smile and act like they really want to be there with you.

JLW

I’m not talking about those signs that sit in the front yard of the house, but the directional (or traffic generating) signs. The ones that typically say things like, “Home For Sale” or “Open House” and point the way to the property.

There are a few culprits that I’ve come up, listed below in order of probability:

• Late at night, hardware store trucks secretly canvas area neighborhoods to collect, re-package and resell FSBO signs. (Probability: 0%)

• Other homeowners and businesses mow my signs down in a rage because I didn’t ask them for permission to put a sign in their yard. (Probability: 25%)

• Unscrupulous real estate agents (with nothing else better to do at 3:00 am) are plundering the signs, hoping that FSBO’s will give up and be forced to list with them, or simply trying to harass other agents. (Probability: 50%)

• Home Owners Association Board Members are trying to enforce sign policies. (Probability: 75%)

• City workers remove signs from right-of-ways and public land. (Probability: 100%)

• Teenagers. (Probability: 100%)

Each of these scenarios has its own unique set of challenges, so in the next couple of posts I’ll tackle some innovative strategies for increasing the longevity of the real estate sign.

I’ve laid awake many nights thinking of ways to get even.

JLW

We trust professionals to do their job correctly, and in most cases, they do. However, even the best closing companies can get the numbers mixed up a bit. Maybe your “closer” had a late night, maybe they are going through a divorce, or just totalled their new beamer. Mistakes happen.

Since this may be the biggest transaction you will ever make, don’t blindly trust that everyone involved was firing on all cylinders. Check their math and ask about any numbers you don’t understand – and, yes, computers can make mistakes.

If you aren’t good with numbers, or feel intimidated, bring along a friend or family member who can handle the pressure.

I figure if a doctor can amputate the wrong leg (it happens more than you think), then the odds are pretty much guaranteed that someone at the closing company will transpose a few numbers, add an extra zero here or there (why don’t they ever leave one off?), or throw in a few “standard fees” that aren’t. Just don’t let it happen to you.

There should be no suprises when you go to close on a real estate deal. That’s why you hire an agent and/or real estate attorney in the first place.

Remember, the people sitting around the table at closing work for you.

JLW

You think that surely it’s a joke or a mistake, but then the pieces begin to fall into place. After some thought, you realize that it makes perfect sense that the people next door, the ones with the blue countertops, blue shag carpet, and blue cars in the driveway, would want a blue house as well.

The problem is that you just didn’t see it coming.

While some of you reading this may be having a good laugh right now, don’t worry, your time will come. Sooner or later some crazy neighbor of yours will do something to drive you nuts. Maybe it will be the lady who lets her dog poop all over your yard, or the guy who likes to rev his Harley at 3:00 am, or maybe the kid next door with his music cranked up so loud that your windows rattle. Yes, your time will come.

Most of these things you are pretty powerless to stop, but with the right attitude, and a little cooperation, you can amicably resolve most neighborhood feuds.

In my experience, most people are simply clueless about how their actions impact others. If you approach the problem with a positive attitude, and don’t make such a big deal about it – maybe even joke about it with them – your neighbors will probably get the hint and reign in their irritating behaviors. I’m sure that they’ve noticed a few things about you that they aren’t too thrilled about either.

So, for those of you thinking of buying that shiny new home, you might want to spend an afternoon or two in the neighborhood before signing on the dotted line. Walk around, stop and chat, and see if your future neighbors are somewhat normal – or if they will irritate you to death.

You may even discover a few things you hadn’t expected. (“Hey, I didn’t know my house was in the flight path of the local airport. Look! The landing gear almost clipped my chimney!”)

And in a worst case scenario, you can just drive home a different way so you don’t see “The Big Blue House”, or buy some industrial strength earplugs. I still haven’t figured out how to handle the dog poop problem – I’ll let you know when I do.

On the bright side, the grass is really green this year.

JLW

Even before you walk through the front door, I suggest that you walk around the exterior of the house and look for the following things:

• Is the land sloped away from the house? In a heavy rain, will water flow towards the house or away from it?

• Are driveways, sidewalks, or concrete slabs sloped to direct water away from the structure?

• Are downspouts directed away from the house?

• Are flower beds sloped to direct water away from the building?

• Does the foundation show any signs of cracks, settling, heaving or repair?

• Are gutters and downspouts clear, or full of debris?

• Finally, are there streams, creeks or drainage ditches nearby that could help divert water away from the home, or threaten the property?

In all likelihood, the people you are with (in my case, that’s usually my spouse and a real estate agent) will write you off as some oddball crackpot – it happens all the time to me – but that’s ok. I’d rather be thought of as a bit quirky, than invest in some money pit, all because I didn’t do my homework.

Poor water drainage can lead to all types of problems, such as foundation cracking and settling, sinkholes, wall cracks around door and window frames, and doors and windows that won’t close properly.

If the outside of the house looks good, move on to the interior of the home. Pay particular attention to the basement or crawlspace for cracks and water damage, and above door and window openings for cracks.

Don’t rely on your visual inspection alone. Hire a qualified, professional home inspection company to do a thorough analysis of the property before making a purchase. Many structural problems can be fixed, but you need to know what they are, and the repair costs before finalizing the deal.

JLW

Ten years ago, when buying our current home, our real estate agent told me, with some authority, that a home on a cul-de-sac would command at least $10,000 more (about 3 percent) that a comparable home on a through street. Likewise, a home with a walkout basement was generally worth $10,000 more than one without.

Last year, when I thought about selling our house (the one with the $10,000 cul-de-sac and $10,000 walkout basement), and regurgitated these “statistics”, the same agent looked at me like I was a complete idiot. She had no idea where I had found such nonsense, and I didn’t see the point of reminding her.

So, what’s a cul-de-sac worth?

At the time, having two young children, I was willing to pay more for the safety offered by a home on a cul-de-sac. I think most home buyers would do the same, but obviously not all.

It’s these differences (the cul-de-sac, the walkout basement, new windows, etc.) that make pricing your home difficult. Not to mention our desire to recover what we paid for these features.

Unfortunately, the market dictates what our homes are worth, and that’s all that your banker really cares about.